13 Hour Train Ride From Charleston,SC to Philadelphia, PA
To Pass the time I tried to listen to The Lord of the Rings on tape.
3 things about the Lord of the Rings on Tape.
1. It's not read to you but acted out. When there is a fight scene it sounds like the boys down at Deke house got drunk and pretended to be a bunch of brawling pirates.
2. The narrator also plays one of the characters which I can tell you, it makes it easier to follow along. Also some of the hobbits are played by women making them sound of the gay
3. The fellowship of 9 sounds much more homoerotic on tape. I was falling asleep at the time but I could have sworn there was a circle jerk scene with the ring in the center and when frodo was done he screamed "oh gandolf you old brute."
So needless to say I did not make it to the end but it gave me the oppurtunity to enjoy the 12 hour train ride that became THE 14 HOUR TRAIN RIDE!
I like bus rides and plane rides, I hate train rides because I can't figure out the people. Here are a few I encountered.
Master P's Dorky Cousin
I call him this because he was black, dressed like a thug and his only luggage was a cell phone and a TELESCOPE!
The Trailor Trash That Master P's Dorky Cousin Sat Next To
She was a big fat white girl that wasn't to bright. Master P's Dorky Cousin convinced her not only was he a stunt man but also a bounty hunter. Needless to say they fell in love and exchanged cell phone numbers. She was taking this train to philly so she could catch a connecting train to SAVANNAH,GA! Now i think we can all agree that is incrediblely ridiculous. She was on her cell phone the entire time graphically telling her friends how she was going to murder her boyfriend. I wish her good luck.
Older Woman Sitting Next To Me
She insisted on having the window seat, which was fine by me but she also insisted on having a cigarette every three seconds. This led to her waking me up so she could walk to the smoking car. One time I woke up and she was straddling me. I mean I was sound asleep and I wake up to see a 60 year old, 200+, balck woman paractially sitting on my piece. I was about to yell rape until I realized that she was trying to get by without waking me up.
I Love The Super Bowl Guy
This guy was wearing everything possibly that mentioned the superbowl from like three years ago. He insisted on talking to me even though I had my head phones on. I was polite and carried on a conversation. During this conversation I invented the world's greatested game ever. I called it "What's Going to Make Me Throw Up First." Was it the smell of Basic Cigarettes coming off his breathe was going to do the trick or was it that inticing aroma of Popoff Vodka going to finish the job. What was our conversation about? Probably the fact we were sitting on the border of NC and SC for almost two hours. The brakes went to shit during the ride so they had to fix them. He offered me candy but considering the handicapped stall was as big as a house I felt shitty candy wasn't worth getting anally raped.
When I returned to philadelphia I was offically labeled "The Biggest Asshole in Philadelphia" because I was wearing shorts and sandals when it was about 27 degrees out. To be "The Biggest Asshole in Philadelphia" is a great honor considering the tuff competition out there. I would like to thank all the people at the 30th street station for voting for me.
I hate trains.
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