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The Last Time I Peed My Pants

These things happen. We are not perfect people. Show me a perfect person and I’ll show you someone who’s farted in church.

It was late at night I had a thirst only the devil could produce so like anyone I went to get something to drink. I went to the cabinet to find the perfect glass for a situation like this. Now, like all cabinets there are various sizes of glasses. Juice, drink, etc… I felt that this situation called for the biggest glass that was at my disposal. It was like I was saying to my thirst “let’s do this.” I went to the fridge poured Lime Gatorade not the best but not bad. I chugged the whole thing as if I was back with the “DEKE” boys the awesomest frat in existence. I slammed the glass down and poured another while screaming “fear does not exist in the Dojo.”   

I walked this glass down to my basement sat directly in front of the TV and started watching. I think it might have been the Cosby Show , I’m not sure. As I watched Doctor Huxtable eat hoagies, I drank my tall glass down to the very bottom. I then immediately fell asleep.

Laying on the floor, in my basement I woke up at about 3am. I was confused like anyone would be when they wake up on the floor but I seemed more confused than normal. Falling asleep is something I know how to do better than anyone I know. I wake up in the strangest places. 4am on the beach, 2:30am in a room full of girls from India, 12:30am in the middle of the street. This time was different. I was all wet. I looked down at my pants and they were just soaked. I had peed myself. I was ashamed I ran up stairs got rid of the evidence, showered, and went to bed.

You might say “Rob this happens to everyone, it’s embarrassing but it happens to everyone when they’re young.” Yes it does but what makes this time special was that I was 22 years old. Not 7 not 8 not even 12. I WAS 22. I had not been drinking or doing drugs. I just peed my pants because I drank to much Gatorade.

Just think about that for awhile and pity me.

PS: I lied I never showered before I went to bed.